I just celebrated my 24th birthday. As with the previous years, I feel a need to review the year that has just passed.
My 23rd year on Earth has been a very exciting experience. A lot of doors have been opened for me.
1. I experienced my first ever depression back in March where I had to rely on stress relief pills to get through the day and to fall asleep. It was horrifying, but the experience taught me how to deal with stress and to see the world from a depressed person's point of view. It taught me to be more understanding towards people who are depressed because previously, I really had no idea why people get depressed. I used to secretly think that they were weak.
I have also learned that when people are depressed, no one can help them but themselves. We do not want to hear 'You'll be fine (because at that point in time, we will never truly believe that)' or 'Why are you so upset over this?' (Can't you see this is BIG??!) or 'I think you should do this or that' (Screw you! You're only saying this coz it's not happening to you). All we need is for someone to listen (without giving advice/judging) and a shoulder to cry on. Thank God for showing me a new perspective and please forgive me for my previous thoughtless way of thinking.
2. I have read more widely and extensively compared to the previous years. Instead of reading fiction novels, I became more interested in learning about religion, philosophy, little bit of physics and investment. Not that there is anything wrong with fiction novels, of course. I learned about the ancient wisdom, Illuminati, Noetic Science and 'Energy' from reading Dan Brown's novels. I also got to know Afghanistan a little more from The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns. Not to mention a little about alchemy from my favourite book this year, 'The Alchemist'. 'The Alchemist', to me, is a great book to summarise all the things I have learned and been in touch with for the past year. So yes, I am taking tiny but progressive steps to learn more about the vast amount of knowledge known to humankind. The more I read, the more I realise that there is so much I do not know, which then cause my curiousity to sky-rocket and want to read even more.
3. I am starting to be more aware of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I used to think that feelings are bad. No thanks to hearing comments like 'You follow your feelings too much' in a condescending tone. Feelings are not bad- if we learn to control them instead of letting them control us. Having said that, it does not mean that I am now in perfect control of my feelings and that nothing could ever frustrate/annoy/sadden/irritate me. I just found a way to deal with them, that's all. Like when I am sad, I would find myself asking myself as if I was a third person...'You're really upset yea?' Just this simple question helps me snap out of the situation and look at it from a third person's perspective. I find this method extremely useful.
4. I am getting to know myself better, and at the same time, allowing myself to 'be myself'. I am learning to say 'No' when I really mean 'No'. (This is very liberating, although I must admit that this is one of the hardest things I have to learn because I have been brought up to think that saying 'No' is almost akin to a sin. ) As a result, besides feeling more true and honest to myself, I am finding it much easier to accept others just as they are.
5. I gave a shot at improving my 'self discipline' by fasting for the whole of Ramadhan and only having a lacto-ovo-vegetarian diet the month prior to that. Of course, I still lose control now and then...sometimes intentionally even but I strongly realise that having 'self discipline' is one of the greatest favour we can do for ourselves.
Hope my 24th year will be another interesting year of discovery and experiences.
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